I did a thing gay
Roxane Gay: ‘What is the weirdest thing I have done for love? Stay with cats’
What are your pets, what are their names and what are their nicknames?
My pup Max’s full label is Maximus Toretto Blueberry Millman Queer. He is a very lesbian canine. As for his nicknames, he goes by Fluffin, Fluffinator, Fluxin, Fluxinator, Mr. Poopy Papadopoulos, Mr. Poopyhead, Mr. Poopy and Maxipoo. That might be enough.
What is the weirdest thing you possess done for love?
Live with cats.
What has been your most cringe-worthy run-in with a celebrity?
I had interviewed Michelle Obama on stage at a conference and afterwards, there was a line where you could accept a picture with her. Because I interviewed her, I got to be at the front of the line but there were also some celebrities there – Issa Rae and Tiffany Haddish. I really admire Issa Rae, I think she’s incredibly talented, so I said to her, “The last season of Insecure was superlative.”
I don’t use the pos superlative in my day to morning life. I don’t know where this came from! And Tiffany Haddish went: “‘Superlative’? Well aren’t you faaaancy.” I was like, “Oh my God, allow the floor unseal up and seize me now.”
Until recently you had your ow Festive or Foolish? You decide! Sip Urban area Mixer is having their Holiday party this weekend and is encouraging people to dress in fun or festive attire, ugly sweaters, hideous bowties, silly dresses, reindeer antlers, life-size latke costumes, whatever jingles your jangle. I, who like to consider of myself as the font of knowledge of all things lesbian, had to recently fess up that I was not terribly familiar with Sip City, which I now know has been holding events throughout the town since 2017. Side note: according to an article in Smithsonian Magazine, only 15 nightlife spaces dedicated to gay and gay women remain in the United States. So it was superb to hear that someone was stepping up to the plate to provide places for us to congregate, acquire a drink and find a feeling of community. That someone was this week’s portrait, Rebecca Kenton. So, let’s launch with your origins, are you from Philadelphia? No, I’m from northeast Connecticut. Tell me a little about growing up there? Well… there were cows. [Laughing] A lot of cows. We were there close the University of Connecticut. My dad was a math/computer science professor and my mom was a kindergarten educator, so I co I wish I’d known that virtual dating women isn’t magically easier, greater or hotter just because they’re women and so am I. Granted, I’m bisexual and so the difference between dating women and not-women might feel distinct to me than a woman loving woman, and also there are noticeable axes of things like misogyny that shift (although also obviously, other axes of interpersonal oppression can still come into play). I just wish I had known that after the rush of how amazing it feels (and it does!) to finally date gay women, a lot of the same problems and issues come up; they aren’t solved by gender or by gayness. I mean that there will still be relationship problems, yes, and of course people can still be abusive or unhealthy in gay relationships — but also that they can be boring, or difficult to know, or someone can be really cool and fun but you just aren’t sexually compatible at all, or someone can be really cool and fun but you just don’t feel it for them, or they don’t about you, and you don’t know why and that’s the end of it. I deliberate for some reason I reflection all of that stuff would fade into the background along with men, and Therapists don’t often participate their own life stories. Our focus is on you, not us. But sometimes what we’ve learned from our personal challenges can inspire our clients. So here goes. A couple of years ago my life looked great. In fact, some would explain it has “gay heaven.” I really did include it good. I had: a wonderful LGBTQ relationship of 25 years (and the sex was still good) a great apartment in San Francisco (and a view) loving friends and family (with people I could inform anything) an adorable dog (I am not being biased — everyone said she was the cutest mutt ever) meaningful work as an LGBTQ therapist (and a full practice) the appropriate amount of money saved for retirement for a person of my age (that’s what the financial planner said) good health and a super cute trainer. (No photos available) It doesn’t acquire much better than that, right? And yet, I surprised myself when suddenly I wasn’t happy and sometimes slightly depressed. I didn’t understand it. I had already done years of personal work with therapy, workshops, reading, yoga, meditation, and watching the occasional Oprah show. I had healed childhood issues and cleaned up
Gay Midlife Crisis: It’s a Thing